To make and keep someone happy should be listed on Indeed.com and many other job sites because it is just that, a job.
I mean of coarse to keep your current job you ultimately have to keep your boss happy by doing your job correctly – at least from their perspective and the companies. But I am not here talking about an actual workplace relationship between you & your boss. I am here talking about relationships outside of work.
To be specific – friends, family and even your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend.
The more time I spend with myself the more I learn and understand. Not just about myself, but others too.
Spending time at home these past few months taught me or opened my eyes more so to the fact that people tend to want to call or spend time with those who make them happy. I know I should have been realized this, but I feel like now I am at a point in my life where my eyes are opening to different things I hadn’t realized before.
But with my younger brother and sister who are both in high school, they seem to want to be entertained almost all the time they are around me. They want to be happy pretty much and in most cases it is my responsibility to assist with that. Whether it be going to the movies, hanging out with them at home cracking jokes or just taking them out to do an activity.
It’s a tough job.
So the more I realized this these past few months being at home more, I started to think about other relationships from my past where this may have applied as well. I thought of coarse to my ex. My most recent one at least though it can apply to all of them.
When my ex and I were living together it wasn’t just my responsibility to get a job, help out around the house, be “the man” and all that, but it was my responsibility to keep her happy.
Whether that meant doing different activities, gifts, traveling and things of that nature. I felt that I had a job to make her happy or else she would either leave or cheat on me. And I didn’t want either of those two things to happen. Nor did I want arguing, but I couldn’t escape that too well. Nor her leaving I guess.
But the time we spent together I realized that it wasn’t just her I struggled to keep happy, but myself as well.
You see I feel as if I had and still have been dedicating a good portion of my life to making sure my younger siblings were and are happy. So when it came time to making myself happy I chose the wrong things such as pornography. I used to engage in sports, but with multiple injuries and surgeries I just couldn’t use sports as an escape anymore.
So with nobody to teach me how to be happy, I sought the wrong things.
But after seeing multiple relationships start to fall apart due to my struggles in keeping my significant other happy by breaking free of my “addiction,” I had had enough. I mean it was already tough enough trying to make the other person happy in and of itself, but not having my “addiction” to run to anymore because it bothered the other person only made the arguments worse.
I got tired of being called grumpy, a piece of trash, a monster amongst other things and realized I had to change. Heck, I got tired of trying to make someone else happy on top of myself as that was tiring in and of itself.
It wasn’t just pornography that ruined my relationships, but struggles understanding how to keep the other person happy when everyday is just so different. They could leave for work happy, but have a “bad” day then come home and take everything out on you.
So after exiting my most recent relationship, I went on the hunt for the cure to my problems. Mainly my anger, pornography/lustful ways, grumpiness and so forth. Things that I believed were angering God, making my relationships fall apart and were just not a good look for my future in case I get married and have kids down the road.
Before exiting my most recent relationship I sought pastors and books. I even have notes on my laptop of when I wrote to God because I hated my addiction in the midst of my relationship, but just didn’t know how to break it.
I sought God before and after our relationship.
When I moved to San Francisco I found a new church, got involved in a group to break pornography with people around my age, found 2 therapists, connected with the pastors, found small groups, volunteered at multiple churches, went on a church retreat for men, read multiple self-help books and just tried to break free.
Break free of my anger and pornographic desires with different avenues. Trying different homework assignments my therapists in SF would give me.
I would go home frustrated because after trying all those things on top of staying in my Bible daily, I just couldn’t do it. My ex’s clock was ticking on having kids and getting married in her eyes and if I wanted to make her happy by providing all these things I had to hurry up.
It was now or never. At least it felt like it.
Then my ex stopped talking to me and moved on. I could no longer show her what I had been doing to hopefully break free of my “addiction” and free myself from my anger and grumpy ways. She believed I would never change and that hurt because I really did try.
I never got with any other females in SF, I just put in work. Put in work on myself that is.
I say all this to say in doing all these things for my ex and my family too as my siblings called me grumpy from time-to-time, I found it. It finally clicked and I didn’t even know until after.
You see after being saved I’ve read more about the apostle Paul in The Bible. He wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Paul, this gentleman in The Bible, seemed to boast about his weaknesses. Without knowing him or what he did much before I was saved, I won’t say I boasted but I knew I needed help so I kept asking around.
I wanted to continue making those around me happy, but I realized I had to work on me if I was going to do so. And trust me it was hard telling my female therapists and people within a new church in San Francisco that I struggle with pornography. Let alone telling my family.
But I wanted to make others happy, be a good role model for my siblings and good father & husband one day. Heck, I wanted to go to heaven too! I still do. And I believed that if I continued sinning by lusting and being angry God wouldn’t grant me access into heaven.
That scared the living daylights out of me because my life already felt like hell.
So when I say I found it and it finally clicked, here is what I mean. What I believe Paul is saying above in that scripture is to talk about your weaknesses. He wants you to boast about your flaws. He wants you to do the exact opposite that the world teaches us. Because by me telling my ex and others about my struggles, but not just telling them but searching for the solution God saw that.
Which brings me to what I believe Paul meant when he said “Christ’s power may rest on me.”
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Days I spent frustrated trying to wrestle with God and angry at God in San Francisco (I know that sounds silly) because not only did none of the avenues I sought to break free of my weaknesses work, but they only led to more frustration. I continued to lose hope and losing my ex and dog only hurt all the more.
I was done.
But I think God saw that I was willing to chase after Him so hard and heavy and seek the answer to my problems even after multiple churches failed me, retreats failed me, books failed me, therapists failed me, family failed me and so much more.
I was Really Done!
God I believe saw and felt me lose all hope. Lose all hope and want to kill myself on September 30, 2017. But the worst day of my life turned into the best day within a matter of seconds when the happiness I was seeking for myself and others turned into well more than that.
I found peace.
Christ saved me that day when I was ready to end it all. Christ’s power truly rested on me that day!
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
– Hebrews 11:6
I kept faith all those years in trying. Trying to find answers to my problems. Believing that God could help. Trying to stick close to God as best as I could.
But God didn’t just see that faith over the years, He saw the faith I had in the last moments before I thought about taking my life where I yelled His name in my heart than spoke it out loud. Now that faith was key too. Very key.
Faith that Christ could, would and did save me that day.
Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
So I know this post is about making and keeping someone happy is a job. It was until I discovered peace – true peace found in Christ.
Now that I discovered the path to it, I don’t believe it is my job to make others happy like I once did, but show them the road to peace & life.
I have a new job, but believe me, it isn’t easy!
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.
-1 John 5:19
The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
-2 Corinthians 4:4
I guess I will just continue to stay in God and Him in me as we work through this one.
It won’t be easy because like you see with me and Paul in The Bible you have to embrace your weaknesses and not suppress them. You can’t just keep talking bad about others and believe you are a saint. You have to open your own self up and see where your own weaknesses lie. Then chase God with all your heart to break free, not giving up if multiple churches and people fail you.
God wants to see just how badly you want Him.
It will work trust me.
So as I try to convince my ex that I am a new man, literally (2 Corinthians 5:17), it’s tough. Some people only see the person of the past and never truly believe people can change which is Extremely sad!
I don’t know whats more sad, people losing out on someone who wants to show them Christ within or someone who moves on seeking happiness from another person. I’ve now realized that happiness is not what I was seeking from myself, but peace.
I didn’t realize it till after it happened.
I don’t even seek a relationship now with someone who makes me happy. I’ve moved on to peace. And for those who think peace is easy to find, Jesus brought peace into the world through living a difficult life and dying on the cross and releasing The Holy Spirit right?
But was Jesus’s life easy? I don’t think so.
So it makes sense when Jesus says for a man to “hate their wife” in Luke 14 and that “women will be saved through childbearing if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety (1 Timothy 2:15).”
Stop moving on to a man who makes you happy ladies and check back in with an ex who may be able to now bring you peace and salvation. For you & your children.
As Christ came through for me, I believe He can and will for you too if you seek Him with your whole heart as you open up about your weaknesses & desire for change.
Heaven awaits you if you do.