It was a few hours after the Super Bowl finished. My whole life this has been happening to me, so I guess it is nothing new.
I was played by a female!
Yes, you heard that right. Haha
But nah, it was strictly through a text and nothing in person. You know I’m MAD selective with my hunny bunny’s. Maybe saying stuff like hunny bunny is why girls run the other way.
I was a bit bummed after getting denied the other day after the Super Bowl. I know you may be wondering why I would be so open sharing this with the 2 people that read this (Hi Grandma!), but it’s because of what happened after I was played by the girl.
You see I take what Paul, the apostle, said to heart.
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
– 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 (NIV)
You see Paul too boasted about his weaknesses as we see in 2 Corinthians 11:16-33. There is nothing wrong with it in God’s eyes. Actually God wants us to talk on our weakness so that He can lift us up.
But society and the god of this world (a.k.a the devil) doesn’t want us to.
The reason why I more so enjoy talking on my weaknesses and hardships now with God after being saved is because of God’s comfort.
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
– 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV)
At first when I “died” and went to heaven I wanted God to give me a room or heavenly home next to Job, but now I don’t know. I’m really liking Paul too because like me, he was timid too.
By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you–I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away!
– 2 Corinthians 10:1 (NIV)
But back to what I was saying. When I vented to God the night after the Super Bowl about being played by this one girl via text on top of losing my ex I was extremely frustrated and hurt. It just felt like no woman wanted or wants me and that hurt. It still hurts to a degree.
Now with my newfound relationship with Christ as of last year I see how He has been taking me to the root of my pains and desires not just for healing, but wisdom and knowledge as well. I guess women just take longer to get over. At least for me.
But that night when I was in pain and bringing my weaknesses to God about my struggles with finding a woman something I don’t know if I can explain via writing or even in person happened. Something OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!
Now I know I described my feeling of overwhelming peace that I received last year on Sept. 30 when I was saved, but this may have been Greater than that!
I don’t know what I said to God after I shut the door to my bedroom at my moms apartment, with the lights off, tv off and cell phone to the side but I all of a sudden felt love. After I cast my pain and struggles to God about women and them rejecting me, I felt it hit me like a semi-truck.
Now I’ve been with a few girls in my lifetime before, both sexually and non-sexually, and let’s just say this feeling of Love compared NOTHING to that of lust or being with any of the women in my past.
I remember seeing videos on YouTube where people described “dying” and God taking them to both heaven and hell. I’ve watched a lot of videos of people describing the horrors of hell, but very few – at least that I found – talked about heaven. The videos of people who described their experience in heaven made one thing apparent...they didn’t want to leave.
They described this feeling of Love and to me it seemed like they never had experienced it on earth before because they didn’t want to leave. People with families, friends, husbands, wives and all that on earth didn’t want to go back. So I just believed heaven must be that good.
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
-Matthew 13:44 (NIV)
All I know is that God for sure did what Paul promised He would. God comforted me that night.
Usually He directs me to a scripture in The Bible that will comfort me if I am dealing with a particular struggle or hardship. Sometimes God even helps me remember something from my past that gives me clarity and healing when I am struggling with something.
All you have to know is if you ever see me want to be alone with God, it’s a good thing. Wisdom and/or knowledge is most likely right around the corner.
But after I received that feeling of Love like I never felt before – or maybe have as a child but can’t remember – I cried because it was SO overwhelming. I tried to read The Bible but I just couldn’t focus really on the words of The Bible because I was so taken aback that God loved me. Not only did He Love me, He let me feel his Love for me!
I grew up getting rejected by girls left and right as I do now. I thought my parents didn’t love me and I never really had too many close friends in my life. If I did, they were only for a season or short period of my life. So staying to myself is normal for me, but not always enjoyable.
I could never put to words what that feeling of Love truly felt like. All I know was that in that moment, the thoughts of losing my ex still hurting me and getting played by that girl went away. My desire for women in that moment went away because as I thought my whole life love was in a woman, it’s not.
Love is WAY more powerful than lust or infatuation!
And Love can only be given to each of us through The Holy Spirit.
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
-Romans 5:5 (NIV)
So all the people that have told me “I love you” throughout my life who didn’t have The Holy Spirit within them all lied. Only people who have Christ within them truly know what Love is. If you don’t, you may like someone, lust someone or be infatuated with them. But Love is on a whole other level. Love is on God’s level and it is not easily obtainable.
It took me months after being saved to feel God’s love.
Months of arguing with God, cursing at God in frustration, losing “friends” and feeling distant from my family. It wasn’t easy.
That feeling of Love I felt the other day I will say has left me temporarily, but I know it will be back. It is within me and I am within it. But there are still fears that live within me that I have to conquer such as being single forever.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
-1 John 4:18 (NIV)
God still wants me to get to the root of my desire for women, I know that.
But to know that God loves me when I’ve constantly felt rejected my Whole Life is the Best feeling in the world.
I look forward to the day when I can proudly say to people with all my heart I Love You.