It’s true – it does. God’s will that is.

I think about a year ago I really realized this. When I moved back into my childhood home in San Francisco, California. That when you tell God to “let your will be done,” those could be the scariest but Best 5 words you ever say. I used to tell some guys in a mens Bible study group that back in San Francisco.

But I feel this strength when I say it.

“Let your will be done.”

It’s literally, to me at least, saying that God you are in control of my day and my life. But as beautiful as that may sound, best believe you could be getting ready for one of the most stressful journeys of your life. A journey that could in fact push you to the brink of death. At least that’s what it did for me.

I remember disagreeing with 2 churches I attended in San Francisco and leaving both. Frustrated not just at the church members but at God. I mean I had told Him to let His will be done; why didn’t He stand up for me? But as time went on and I took the pain I felt toward those church members and God to God, He began to reveal things to me after the fact.

God began to reveal that I needed that pushback from church members to test my faith. To not just test it, but strengthen it.

I remember feeling attacked at a church in SF by 3 people I thought were my friends. I drove them home, talked with them for hours and even went to their home. But one night at Bible study we had this disagreement towards the end and all “hell” broke loose (figure of speech of coarse). We fought verbally for hours and it was 3 against 1 it felt. But this was after I was saved so I felt this peace about me even though I felt ganged up on. I even offered 2 of them a ride, which are the two I normally give a ride to after Bible study, but they turned it down.

These people said they “loved me” countless times, but after I got home that night and brought my frustrations to God I had a question pop up in my head. If these people said that they loved me not even a month prior, why did not 1 of them step in the middle when I was being ganged up on? Why didn’t one step in the middle and try to stop it verses keep the argument going?

So I sat with that that night. I took my frustrations out on God once I got home as I normally do and listened to 2pac too. Me Against The World to be exact haha.

But once I got home that night after that disagreement, the peace I felt during the argument I still had at home. Though I was frustrated I lost some friends, I still felt at peace. I didn’t want to retaliate or call them the next day and speak my mind. Funny enough, I walked away from the situation as we were yelling in the middle of the street at like midnight on a weekday in SF. I put my hands in the air as NBA players usually do during a scuffle and walked to my car. Even though 1 guy chased me down and continued to want to argue. Crazy! These are church folk here. 

I explain the extent of the situation to say that I believe God wanted to not only test me that night, but show me that He is with me Always. Even if people within the church gang up on me, the peace He has given me after being saved isn’t going anywhere.

And the more I read the gospels and stories on Christ, I see how it says the chief priests and elders wanted Him killed. They also watched Him to see if He would assist a man on the Sabbath. Maybe I am wrong, but that sounds like church folk to me. Maybe, just maybe, the people that wanted Jesus killed were people in these churches we all seem to gather at. Not all of them, as I can’t speak for every church.

But weird enough, I seem to get along more with people outside of the church than in it. People outside seem to be more open and honest. Church folk seem to have to hide things and pretend a lot. Like I said, not every church.

But when I think about Jesus and His life and even churches today, I see people preaching about Jesus at boardwalks in California and nobody seems to care. If people don’t like what he is saying they just walk right by him. So in my head, going to church and evangelizing doesn’t seem to bad here in America. But take someone who believes a different Jesus than the church folk and challenges their belief, I could see some elders in the church and members of authority getting pissed off.

Which is what I believe God showed me in California. That God’s will may not be to just go sit in a church every Sunday, hear a good word, fellowship than go home. God’s will may be to step away from the church or challenge the church, read the Bible for yourself and allow God to help you understand His words and not the lead pastor.

God may have a different plan than what the majority of people within churches are doing today.

So it’s a question of whether you want to live your will in life or God’s. After that blow up with those church members and them seeing whatever the pastor said as truth, I realized that I want to follow God’s will. Because they were literally banking their eternity on a man and that was scary to me. Yes, we may all believe in God, Jesus and The Bible, but what are we really arguing about? The interpretation of The Bible.

If they believe that the pastor at the church is right and not me, that is fine. But don’t be mad at me if I choose differently because again, it is my eternity here and I care about that A LOT!

I am not willing to put that in another persons hands.

So what I am trying to get at here is that God’s will may show you things you never imagined would happen in your life. Things that can break you if you don’t stay close to Him. My ex has stayed on my mind for so many months after we broke up and it was one of the most painful things in life. I eventually got so frustrated with God as I did not want to wake up each and every day thinking about her. But I believed it to be God’s will. So I endured it. I mean what else could I do?

A lot of people might have said get a job or travel, but not God. God revealed to me that all those are distractions or pain suppressants. Which is why God hates money because people with money have access to so many distractions that they don’t realize they are in true pain until they are dead in most cases. A career, gym membership, friends and even family can all be distractions.

A challenge I would recommend to see if you have any hidden demons if you can’t break away from work or family is to try to fast an entire day. I believe some pains will show up that you didn’t even realize you had. Because funny enough, food can be a distraction or pain suppressant too. Just look at the obesity rates in America.

But as for me I believe God wanted to take me to the root of why I loved women so much. Or lusted women so much I should say. To take me to the root He had to keep her on my mind and heart so that I kept drawing closer and closer to Him as the pain grew worse and worse. What He showed me was that women are like a drug. Just like cocaine, ecstasy and any other addictive drug. Just like a drug addict, when you get your first high, which is sex for men or through pornography, you crave that initial high. So you keep going back to the drug to see if you can find it, which you can’t. Which is why men go crazy with the abs, outfits and fresh cuts. Because what they don’t realize is that they are all chasing that initial high of sex or arousal they had as a kid.

Women or the arousal women give them becomes a drug.

A drug that they will spend their whole lives and destroy marriages/relationships looking for. Looking for that initial high. There is of coarse more reasons why men love women I’m sure but I believe that to be a BIG one.

So I give you these examples not to scare you, but show you that the pain that may come with God’s will may be tough, but it will for sure be worth it. The wisdom you gain is well worth it not just for you, but many others. I mean just imagine being able to tell your son why he is going crazy for girls at school. That boy is addicted to drugs and don’t even know it! Haha just playing. But for real though.

What I can say about God’s will too though is that your faith, strength, understanding and wisdom will not only get a tremendous boost but your love and trust will too. Knowing that God has got your back is one of the best feelings in life. Yes people may seem to get over on you or play you, but if you continue to draw near to God He will reveal why that situation happened. Which eases the pain and allows His mind to become apart of yours as you obtain Godly wisdom.

You won’t become God now. Don’t get it twisted.

But the wisdom is so freeing. I now believe those disagreements I had with both churches in SF were supposed to happen. God placed me there and allowed those situations to occur for many reasons. So it redefines your definition of good and bad too.

Some people can say Jesus’ life was bad, but as Jesus said while He was on earth it had to be done. Jesus knew He had to endure suffering to fulfill what the prophets before Him said would happen. To fulfill God’s will for His life.

So if that is the case, what is good and bad really?

All these experiences I’ve had continue to open my heart and eyes to God. Seeing how family drama, someone cutting me off in my car and being beat up can all be apart of God’s will. But instead of retaliating, we need to draw near to God so that He can show us why those events happened to us. So that we can find peace in Him so they can’t hurt as anymore.

So that’s all I have to say. Those 5 words, “let your will be done” can be some of the scariest words you ever say to God, but sitting here in Virginia now, saved and having a better relationship with my mother as we struggled in the past, I can say that it is well worth it. This life on earth is short I’ve been told. Just imagine one day seeing God or Jesus after you die here on earth and all that pain you went through to endure God’s will not just bringing you to heaven, but so many others.

And after God says “well done,” to you He says “now was all that pain worth it?” after He shows you your eternal home in heaven. I know what my answer will be.

Take Care

 

 

 

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