Maybe you’ve been hurt before.
By a loved one; whether it be a parent, family member, girlfriend, husband, etc. And you don’t want to get hurt again.
That’s okay and normal. You are protecting yourself.
But in order to truly be in fellowship with others or in relationship with others, you have to be fully open. Allow your true self to be free with other people who desire to get close to you with no reservations. Not fearing them leaving you, being judgmental towards you or just plain not liking you.
If you are living your life in a way God see’s pleasing than you shouldn’t be afraid at all.
But it’s hard.
It’s hard to not put up a wall in certain areas of your life where you’ve been hurt before. For me, feeling like I had a hand in losing my dad, mom and step-father makes me always on watch and uneasy in relationships. Believing each relationship that starts to get intimate is set to eventually fall apart and history will repeat itself. So I’m always on lookout and on guard.
Not giving that other person my true self. Not showing them my goofiness, my playfulness, my true passions and desires. Not giving that person my love.
I believe that I know how to give and receive love, but I’m scared to do so. Scared because I don’t want to be hurt again. So you will see a glimpse of my love peaking from over the wall, but not the whole thing.
I will keep the wall up to protect it.
I save showing my genuine self and my true ability to give and receive love to….
Well now that I think of it – no one. Not even God.
I even believe God burned me in the past, so I don’t give Him my full love and self. Believing that He will hurt me again too. Isn’t that crazy?!
But ladies and gentlemen – you are only hurting yourself when you continue to put up these walls to people and God who truly want to see the jokiness, the playfulness and the desires you bring to the table. There are so many people who want to connect with you, help you grow, encourage you and love you. Not just people, but God as well. There are a lot of haters out there who may not like the real you and people may still leave you, but God won’t leave you and He will help you push past the haters.
But you have to be willing to break down those walls to see that.
So how do you do it Ibsaa? Good question!
The answer – God’s Word.
Open it a chapter a day and talk with God. Tell Him your fears, anxieties and worries. If you don’t know what you are struggling with, He will reveal them to you as you go down the chapter.
You have to develop a relationship with Jesus if you want to break down these walls once and for all. Even if you hate Jesus, bring that too Him daily in His Word. Like I said before, even if you get nothing from the chapter besides feeling God’s presence and casting your anxieties, worries and fears on Him – that’s okay. Don’t worry about remembering what you read to impress others. That will come later.
That will come after you strengthen and develop your relationship with Jesus.
After you allow Him to tear down whatever walls are separating you from truly expressing yourself as God made you and giving and receiving love from Him, your mom, your wife or your kids.
Lastly, I went to Fuller Seminary this past week and overall it seemed like a decent school. I wanted to sit and pray over it before making a decision. But the next day or so I felt an inclining that I might, key work MIGHT be a prophet. Not a pastor like I had thought, but a prophet.
I by no means take this lightly and I plan to ask some elders in the church tomorrow how to tell. But there has always been a burning desire in my heart to preach God’s Word and stand up when I see things wrong both inside and out of the church.
I just want to yell and scream when I see wrong being done in the church. It’s like burning inside of me, but I either don’t think anyone will listen to me or will think I am crazy.
After I prayed in my men’s group this past week before I left the church I felt extremely out of breath and I read somewhere that God breathes through prophets, so you lose your breathe at times too.
So we will see soon hopefully if it’s true or not.
I’ve been reading and watching videos yesterday and today to see if my personality alignes with a prophet. I know false prophets have a straight ticket to hell, so I’m not playing around with this one bit.
But as I was sitting watching the movie “The Break-Up” on Netflix just now, this topic came upon me and I felt like I had to share it.
Like God was commanding me to.
So maybe, just maybe, these words that you read here aren’t mine, but God’s own. And if this is so, I don’t just request that you read His Word a chapter a day to get closer to Him, I urge you!
So please. If not for me, do it for God. Let’s all get in His Word daily, draw closer to Him, and knock down these walls together. For His Kingdom!