You know before I had wanted my blog to BLOW UP!!! Becoming so Big and make me finally realize I’m a somebody.
I’m searching for anything to make me feel like a somebody. But I’ve been searching in the wrong arena for most of my life for approval and acceptance.
That arena is people.
Before blogging, I was pretty active on social media. Wanting to get as many likes on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. A retweet or follow was like winning the Olympics or something. Maybe not that extreme, but it felt really, Really good!
It made me feel like those people genuinely liked me for me. Something I have been searching for for a while now. For others to like me for me; flaws and all.
So after not feeling that I was getting a lot of love and attention on my social media channels, I gave up. I disconnected or deleted them. Not just because of that, but because I was tired of envying other people’s lives. People’s lives who seemed “better” than mine.
I hated that!
I recently got back on Facebook to promote my blog really. I felt like other people needed to hear what I had to say and that others could relate. I changed up my theme to make my site look more fancy, added categories and even pictures.
But something happened that I didn’t anticipate.
Though I am gaining more followers, I lost who I was doing it for. It became a blog for other people and not for me. Just like my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
I would constantly try and change up my wording, or add a filter to a photo to make it look “better.” To make it look the way I belived the world wanted it to look. Because I needed their approval and love.
So in a way I am thankful for my blog posts seeming to decline in likes ever since I started posting them on Facebook and changing up the theme.
It grounded me and I needed that.
It made me realize who I’ve been writing my posts for all along. Were they for God and myself or were they strictly for people?
When I reread a post and I am happy with it, I should like it. I feel God leading me to write each post and put the thoughts on my mind, so I’m sure He likes them as well. And at the end of the day that’s all that really matters. Right?
If people can relate and want to comment, like or follow – Great! But if not, that’s okay too. Because God is proud that I am being courageous enough to share my testimony, if not for anyone else to read for myself and for Him.
So that the Kingdom in Heaven can rejoice in hearing my journey of faith and healing.
So that one day I can look back at how far I’ve come and my journey to get where God wants me to be. My journey overcoming anger, lustfulness, abandonment, loneliness, singleness and so much more!
Look back and see not just how far I’ve come, but whose helped me get through each battle of my life. It’s not the likes or comments on the posts that should keep me going or posting. I thought they did at one point and do appreciate them – don’t get me wrong.
But it’s God who keeps me going. He puts the posts on my heart and mind to share and I feel like I am disappointing Him if I just keep them inside and don’t let them out.
I’ve felt so alone recently, but God has always put reminders around me that I am never alone. That He is with me always. I feel that once I can master or truly embrace this feeling of just enjoying my quiet time with God and not craving others, but rather desiring them than I will have made it.
Made it to a point in life that is untouchable. No person leaving me, not liking my post, or following me as a leader will hurt me. As long as I am living according to God’s Will for my life and feel Him present in my life and leading my life then I am “okay.”
I mean we all die alone one day anyways. Why not get comfortable being alone now with the one I will spend eternity with?
“Thank you God for putting this on my heart to share. Thank you also for giving me the strength to endure the low times in my life. I am not mad at anyone for not liking, following or commenting on my posts but rather thankful. Thankful for the wisdom you gave me through the pain. The wisdom you continually give me in my life through the suffering I endure. Thank you for giving me the strength to persevere. Help others not cling so tightly to likes, comments or follows. But remember that you like and love us unconditionally, make comments on how we should conduct our lives through your Word and desire to follow us in everything we do all the days of our lives. Which is all that really matters at the end of the day. Thank you God and thank you for your Son Jesus Christ. In Jesus name, Amen.”