You just want to be loved. For who you are – weaknesses and faults included.
You are tired of trying to be “perfect” so that others will love you – God included.
You want to know that no matter what; if you are lazy, make mistakes, don’t love someone back that they will still love you.
You CRAVE unconditional love.
Recently you tried reaching back out to your ex, but she didn’t answer. It hurt you because you felt and still feel like you aren’t worthy of being loved. Her not answering opened up a deeper wound.
When your parents divorced, you still think it was because of you. Because your dad hasn’t tried to find you, you think you aren’t worthy of love. Because your step-father didn’t seem to like you, you think you aren’t worthy of love. Because your mom seems more interested in the men she is dating than you, you think you aren’t worthy of love. Because God won’t take the hammer off of the suffering on your life, you feel like He doesn’t love you either.
“because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
Hebrews 12:6 (NIV)
It’s tough. I get it.
You push people away who may shown signs of love towards you, because you anticipate them leaving you just like everyone else did in the past.
It gets tiring too trying to be “perfect” in all your relationships. Deep down you just want to be “the real, imperfect Ibsaa,” but are scared to because you don’t want to lose those persons important in your life.
Trying to be “perfect” in order to hold on to people close to you actually works against you as anger begins to come out as “the real Ibsaa” deep down inside wants to surface, but can’t. The fear of being the true you is so powerful, you don’t know how to push past it. Your inner self is frustrated and tired of being fake for other peoples “love.”
He wants to be HIMSELF and be loved.
You want to be the jokey, playful, Ibsaa who makes mistakes from time to time knowing good and well that those closest to you won’t leave.
Heck, you are even scared that if you don’t give your dog enough love and attention that she will leave you too. Crazy, but it’s okay Ibsaa.
We will work through this together.
It’s crazy how you can be living in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. with no job, have a car and a house that you don’t have to worry about paying for, but you are still hurting inside everyday.
You want to know why? Because you are missing the essential ingredient to life.
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
1 John 4:8 (NIV)
It’s time to reconnect with God, Ibsaa. He is the only key to you finding the love you have been desiring all these years.
Stop trying to win the love from your mother, father and ex-girlfriend. Stop trying so hard and just embrace God’s love.
Stop trying to be perfect for God and others to love you. Be the imperfect Ibsaa and see just how much God showers you with love.
I know it will be tough for you to do. But you have to at least try. You are falling apart right now because your ex ignored you and because you didn’t get into that accelerator program. Please Ibsaa, lean on God. He won’t fail you – trust me!
He will give you the rest you very much need.
God wants you to know He loves you very much. But He needs you to stop trying so hard so you can see that.
When fear creeps in, just know that God won’t let you fall. He’s helping you through this and is right by your side.
“I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”
Psalm 16:8 (NIV)
If any kid ever comes up to you and tells you that they wish to be like others because they are tired of being picked on, tell them something. Tell them it’s not worth it. Not just because they will lose a sense of who they are, but rather they will lose track of how much God truly loves them – the true version of who God made them to be.
It’s not worth it. But now you’ve learned your lesson Ibsaa.
You made it through and survived. Now you have a testimony to share with others. Embrace that.
But stop and embrace God too, who is the ultimate source of love that you need in your life. Nothing else will satisfy you more.
God has always and will always love you -Unconditionally. Remember that.
“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.”
Psalm 27:10 (NLT)