Therapy, round 2…or is it round 3, maybe 4. Heck, idk – but here we go again!
So today (Wednesday, February 8, 2017), I started with a new therapist. At 7pm to be exact.
I won’t put her name, but she seems nice so far. My girlfriend recommended her to me after finding her online. After being recommended two outstanding books by my girlfriend, I guess you can say I trust her judgement by now.
So here we are. It’s the end of the night and I’m sure my two followers want to know how it went. Well grandma and mom, it went well!
I unloaded on my therapist pretty quickly and I don’t know if she was expecting that, but hey – I’ve only got 50 minutes and therapy ain’t cheap.
Side note – there was no violence, I can assure you. The picture above just popped into my head when I wrote unloaded. Don’t want my grandma to have a heart attack now!
But I am pretty dangerous if you wake me up out of my sleep over some nonsense. Tell em’ granny.
Man, I go off on some tangents.
Okay, so my therapist today had a very calming demeanor about her which I liked. She’s middle aged and seems to understand where I am coming from as far as my issues go.
Also, I really don’t believe I have true “issues,” but I just say that because it’s how I feel inside and this blog’s purpose is to allow me to be real with my emotions and feelings.
I read a book recently titled “The Completion Process” by Teal Swan and it put it nicely that:
“Nothing is wrong with me. Instead, a lot of bad things have happened to me.”
I love and believe that to be true!
So during the 50 minutes of our initial meeting, my therapist really wanted to get to know a little more about me, which is understandable. I also got a chance to learn some about her.
I told her how I struggle with codependency, abandonment, anger, love and so on and so forth. I honestly don’t know if she was taking notes while I was talking or jotting down lists of vacation destinations after hearing all she was about to put up with dealing with me.
This was only day 1!
I know she was wishing she charged me double the current rate after today’s session.
But overall, I think she did appreciate my openness and genuineness today. I really do want to change and I think she could see that.
After recently leaving my other therapist, who I had been seeing for a little under a year here in San Francisco, it was hard to jump back into the therapy world so soon.
My biggest issue or issues, as I told my therapist today, was if I will ever get better and if I would spend my WHOLE LIFE in a therapists office. That didn’t sit well with me or my self esteem at all.
My grandmother recently told me about how I was in therapy as a child when my parents divorced, then I remember going to a therapist once in college, had 2 persons counsel and try to help my girlfriend and I in Boston and now I’ve had two therapists here in San Francisco.
If Yelp has a position open for “National Therapist Reviewer,” I’m there man!
I just want to know that one day I will get better and this will all be worth it in the end. To not have a career or job at the moment and to not even have a clue what career I could really see myself in at 27, is frustrating. Combining that with living in the therapists office – it’s some scary stuff! I really feel as if something is wrong with me…and permanently wrong.
I know I could get a job, but it’s keeping a job that’s the struggle. My anxieties and traumas resurface in the workplace and make me just want to go home and curl up by myself away from all of the triggers of the world.
I know I love entrepreneurship, but what do I do with that?
I’ve been praying to God and trying to ask my inner child what he needs, as the book “The Completion Process” talks on embracing all your emotions and feelings and being truly present with each, understanding that their may be a deep rooted trauma connected to them. Then realizing that these emotions and feelings that come up may be a cry from your inner child to not only embrace them, but to heal that trauma or traumas connected to it.
This healing isn’t just so you can move on and find your destined career and live life happily ever after as an adult, but so that the inner child in you can finally grow up, move past that trauma and reintegrate into the adult you – if that makes any sense. Thus, giving you a stronger sense of wholeness and completeness. Hence the name – “The Completion Process.”
I think little Ibsaa is in their playing video games or watching Ninja Turtles reruns cuz adult Ibsaa is strugggggling!
But nah – little Ibsaa has helped me a lot, so I can’t discredit that and I do believe that embracing my inner child is working.
So I guess we will see if this new therapist will help me address and heal some of the wounds I am still carrying from my past.
Little Ibsaa, “Put the cookie down now!” and help me. Haha – what movie is that from?
Maybe once those wounds heal, I will not only have more peace and understanding in my day-to-day life and relationships, but I will find out what gifts God gave me and where he sees my place in this world.
For now, I will continue seeing this therapist my girlfriend recommended and do my best to give it my all. I really want to change for the better. Not just for me, but for my boo-thang, for my family, for my future kids and especially for God!
I want to live the life God created me for, and I know that healing needs to take place within me, so that I can live it out in it’s true fullness.
A scripture that has been motivating me lately whenever I get stressed out about finances, not having a job, my life or just anything is Matthew 6: 33. This scripture reminds me that if I just keep chasing God, He will give me everything I need.
And honestly, I believe it has been working, which is why I am so motivated to keep pressing forward.
I hope you all have a great rest of your week and I will keep you updated on how therapy goes. But I pray that it goes just how God has planned.