I’ve always wanted to be respected. Plain and simple.

Ever since I was younger and didn’t feel accepted by peers and my father figures, I desired acceptance and also respect.

I wanted people to say, “nah, leave that kid alone, he’s cool.” I wanted people to see value in me and leave me alone.

And as I get older, I still hold on to that past hurt. As you can obviously tell.

Why, you may ask?

Because I feel that my story may earn me respect from others.

My whole life growing up, you’d hear of people talking about their story growing up in the hood, selling drugs, and living a rough lifestyle. But when they would talk about making it out of that life, they would earn respect from others.

Now me on the other hand; I lived in the suburbs. So I always felt that I wasn’t good enough or would never be respected because I wasn’t from the hood. And that bothered me.

I wanted people to respect me for who I was, so I held on to my story.

My story of being abused by my step father, abandoned by my real father and not accepted for who I really was by my grandfather.

I felt that by telling my story to others that they would respect me because it was my own “rags to riches” story, right?

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Maybe not. But I held on to it and still do to this day.

I still, at age 27, feel as if I’m not respected by others. And because of that I hold on to my story.

I don’t know how to obtain respect from others and need help in understanding how to do so. I do want to let go of my past and move on from it.

I’m trying…..but maybe not hard enough.

I am trying by seeking help and I tell others about me seeking help, but I still feel as if I’m not respected.

I’m just tired of being pushed around by others because they can sense that I’m a weak person.

When will life get better for me, God?

I feel like I’ve been waiting FOREVER.

Sometimes I think that I want to be respected more than anything else. But in all honesty, being respected is probably a close second behind being loved.

If I could ask one question to God that He would have to answer, it would most certainly be

“Will my life ever get better?”

It feels like forever I’ve been struggling with all these issues from abandonment, lack of love, lack of respect, pornography……….you get the point.

I am just tired, confused, frustrated and done.

“Why me God, Why me? What did I do to deserve this?”

I’m going to bed now, but I just wanted to let this out before I went to sleep.

If anyone else is struggling with respect, please let me know. And if you’ve found a way to earn respect from others, please contact me ASAP!

I feel as though I need money & success to earn me respect. Or is pursuing God and finding myself enough??

I do want help and I am tired of feeling like I have to hold on to my issues for others to respect me.

It’s time for a change!

Goodnight

 

 

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